the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
