i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
