I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
