Cold hands, warm shart.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
