why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
