If i come over, it means nothing
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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