I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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