He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
