Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
