he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
