My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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