3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
