My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
