Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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