You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
