my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just want to make out with him forever
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
