Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
