did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
