Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
