3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
