It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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