What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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