The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
