dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
