I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i drank out of a bidet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
