I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
