how can u be prego again
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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