Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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