when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize