winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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