She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
