Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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