he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
