I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
