I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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