actually, I'm a sock model
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm passing your future prison.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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