this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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