hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
