pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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