There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
