Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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