Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
PANTIES FOUND
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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