so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
