Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
