I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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