you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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