I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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