All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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