so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
