You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
