I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
