its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My vagina is officially offended.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
