you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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