Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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