WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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