I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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