whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
